Hopefully Final Update on Am I the Asshole if I Don't Serve as Much Food as My Guests Want?
First off, thanks to everyone who responded kindly. I'm still working through all the private messages, and I'll get there. Also, I'm still working on remembering the whole lasagna recipe. I'll post it when I do.
First, an apology. I knew Polly didn't use Reddit, but I was foolish and didn't think that Melissa might. I was out of line with some of what I said, like calling it a live mukbang show, and for that I apologize. This post was not supposed to be about fat-shaming, and I did, in my comments, fat-shame. That is on me, and I apologize. I do not hate Melissa for being obese. My problem has solely been about the etiquette and fairness of the food consumption and the stress it puts on me to see someone binge-eat so severely when I battle that disorder.
Update...
That day they came to my house, I did eventually speak to Melissa and Polly after they calmed down. Melissa has always dreamed of having friends who would accept her as she is and be in a group where she can eat the way she does without judgment. Polly believed that I would provide that. I told them that I cannot, because I almost ate myself to death, and helping someone else do it is too much. Also, most of my other guests were uncomfortable. I said I would provide double portions to Melissa (which is a LOT of food), but no more. I did not mention the cost, because I didn't want them to offer to pay as a way around it.
They said they'd think about it, but Polly messaged me a few days later and said that she could not forgive me humiliating her partner online unless I showed true remorse by "giving Melissa what she needs" (an unlimited buffet at my home). So our friendship is over. Another member of the group has sided with Polly, upset at the fact that I discussed this online.
So that is where we're at. My group has shrunk. We'll grow again; there are a few people we are going to discuss who might make good additions. But we skipped this month's party because of the stress and drama.
As to whether I should have discussed it online at all... I've decided that I'm not sorry for that. I changed enough details that someone outside the circle would not recognize it. Some genders, names, ages, medical conditions, who has what career, which relatives I live with, who has what career, have been altered to preserve anonymity. I needed advice, and I thought anonymously online would be better than asking a bunch of people I knew, because I did not want to tell people who knew Melissa what happened.
Edited to add:
Here is the lasagna recipe as well as I can remember it. No, I do not photograph my food. Too old for that trend.
Edited to add... I remember now that Melissa did go to the bathroom I think twice during the meal. I'm wondering if she purged in those trips. That would make it easier to consume that much food.