My story...with a happy ending

I just recently found this sub. I have a fairly long story...

My STBXH and I were married for 25 years we we separated. We met when I was 17 and he was 19. We have 3 adult children. Our divorce will be final soon.

About 4 years ago my STBXH was caught in an emotional affair with a co-worker. She had befriended me. I can only assume it was to be able to be around him more. It wasn't a long EA but it was intense.

When I found out, he confessed to everything. Was completely open. He wanted us. He wanted to make us better. It took some time and a lot of pain. But we made it. Or so I thought...

The next few years were amazing. We became better.

Then, we met a couple. We became instant friends. The woman was my ex's co-worker. The 4 of us did everything together. She became my best friend. We were together most days of the week. We even moved next door to them, and our dogs shared a yard. The best life right?

In August of last year I saw a text on my ex's phone...the kind of text you don't want to see. I wasn't snooping. I had no reason to. He had fallen asleep and I saw his phone so I went to go plug it in for him.

He was texting my best friend. The woman that I trusted with my inner thoughts. She knew about the first EA.

I was betrayed by both of them. I was devastated. Broken.

For the next 8 months, I tried to salvage us again. But he wasn't trying like I was. I became depressed. Anxious. I had so many panic attacks. I stopped taking care of me both physically and mentally.

Fast forward to 4 months ago. We got into an argument over something he thought was stupid...it wasn't..but that's not the point...

I threatened to leave and he looked at me and said..."Fine, if you don't leave, I will". Well, I couldn't stay there. We lived next door to her so I had to leave. Within 36 hours I put as much as I could into my car, including my dog, and drove for 5 days across the country to live with family.

The first month was hell. I didn't do anything but eat and sleep and beg my ex to take me back.

At some point I decided that I couldn't let me life be ruined by him. I was young enough to still have an amazing life.

So I worked on me...

Exercise and eating better. I've become so much healthier.

Therapy. If you can somehow find a therapist, it is very worth it.

Hobbies. I dove into reading and writing poetry.

Talking to people. I found someone I can vent to. Someone that just listens to me cry and rant.

Reading and researching. There are so many people that have gone through this. Find their stories and learn what you can.

A couple of books that really helped me...

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach Attached by Amir Levine

So almost a year after Dday...I am happy. Healthy. And so much stronger.

I have a new job in the city I moved to (I'm a teacher) and I just recently signed the lease on my own place. I move in next month.

Good luck to everyone. We all deserve to find happiness ((hugs))