Keep her drug use a secret?
Long story short, found out she was doing meth/heroine/addys/pills 8 years ago, broke off the wedding. I had to play detective and snoop through her phone and bank records to find the truth. Stayed together, went through the sober journey. Been a pretty decent 8 years. Started getting that horrible feeling again that something wasn't right. She was visiting a house of an older man that was friends to the family (handy man) every so often. She got angry when I asked her if she getting drugs from him, denied it. I went through her bags last night while she was in the shower and found two pouches with meth, foil, lighter, and broken pens. She of course had to come clean, said she is smoking meth a few times a week to deal with her mom's death. Ends up she has been doing it for a few years. Due to the amount of foil and two drug pouches, I'm thinking she was doing it daily. Her sleep pattern isn't ideal, goes to bed at 1-2am and wakes up at 5am. But doesn't sleep all day and has a full time job. Not sure how to rate her addiction level, but I didn't notice any odd behaviors like the first time.
She doesn't want anyone to know about it, especially her teenage children. She doesn't think she could face anyone and would rather just disappear. If she wasn't an amazing woman, I would have given her a week to find a new place (she has money). I'm trying to be compassionate this time. Last time, not so much. I let anger get the best of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm angry right now. The lying and the feeling I'm not good enough to make her happy. In fact, I think I'm taking out the anger on her family friend/drug dealer. I want to destroy his world. I just had dinner with them both last week, she assured me he was just a lost soul that needed friends in his life. Ugh. I'm glad I listened to my gut. Trying to navigate the no contact right now, made it clear she can't contact this guy or we're done and people will know. Is that the right approach?
I've only told my old age mother so far, just in case something happens to me. lol. I also told a friend that helps her with microdosing mushrooms, who is going to reach out in a few weeks if everything is alright. My partner has agreed that she needs professional help to deal with her sadness. I'm going to push this a long.
Is it the right move to let her to tell others about her drug use? Do I only tell others if she continues to use, make it one of my boundaries? I don't want to enable her, I truly want her to get help. She says she wants to be clean and is so glad I found out. But I heard that last time. I really want to tell her children and brother to help keep her accountable, but I know that would send her off the deep end.
Ugh. Thanks for listening.